Well Played God....

I have not been putting what matters first lately.  I was doing so good with my daily alone time with God - but here lately I have let work, the kids school, the house, everything else take presence over my time with God.  I use to have my quiet times with God on the way in to work - I just chat away with God as if he was sitting in the passenger seat.  However these past months it's been few and far between chats.  I got in my car and something came over me - I just sat in my car for a few minutes and closed my eyes and I start to cry... how could I have put everything before Him - I felt so much guilt.  I dried my eyes and said well lets do this God - I apologized and went on with my chats - it was like I never stopped talking to Him - everything just poured out - it felt good!  One thing I have noticed I have been struggling with is looking at what I don't have: house, clothes, money, etc (all material!).  For example last night Eric was telling about his day describing a house he showed and how much I would love it - so my curiosity sat in and I had him show me - WOW talk about a house, I feel in love - immediately I started comparing what that house has that mine doesn't and I start thinking if only I could have that house instead.  Eric tells me we have everything we need here - we don't need a bigger newer house - I laughed it off and agreed - but deep down I was only seeing what I don't have and not what I DO have!  This morning in my chat with God - I talked about this and I asked him to help me focus on what I have, not what I think I need/want... I started thinking of all the things that we do have - what came to mind was nothing material - it was all about what each of us in our family has that he has blessed us with.  So yes that house I looked at may be bigger, have a double oven, extra rooms etc - but it's not what I need - everything I have it what I need.  As I closed my talk with God - I turned the radio back on and one of my favorite songs on the radio right now came on. I never really listened to it - I just liked the beat and the happiness of the song - this morning I listened and as I jammed and sang along - I laughed at the end and glanced up and said "Well Played God Well Played" - "I have everything I need Nothing I don't...." 

Amazing when we really listen - he does talk to us in all different ways we just have to be willing to put in the time with him and listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N8_CRpL6wk 

(with my technical challenged self I couldn't get the YouTube video of the song to play - but here is the link instead if you want to take a listen!)

Teaching and Living

I remember the twins first year like it was yesterday.  The constant attention, the lack of sleep, the endless diapers and formula bills.  I also remember double the smiles, laughter, hugs, and love.  They keep me and Eric on our toes for sure.  I remember one afternoon like it was yesterday - it was just one of those days in our house.  Eric was out of town and it was just me and the kids.  They were not having a good moment in their day.  Usually they took turns crying - it's like they knew they would get more attention if they cried one at a time - they were good babies like that!  However this moment they were both having a full blown meltdown - nothing I could do worked, changed diapers, rocked, bounced, rubbed bellies, gave bottle, held - NOTHING - they were just not happy at that moment!  All I could do was hold them both; one in each arm and cry with them!  We did this for almost an hour until all three of us were exhausted from crying.  I think we all feel asleep holding onto each other and when we all woke up we were in a different moment - laughter and happiness. 

Their first birthday came and Eric and I looked at each other and said "we made it - we kept them alive a whole year!"  That is truly how we felt - we were just living to keep them alive.  Not teaching them anything really - just feeding their needs.  The next couple of years were stressful, fun, challenging, but who knew having two wasn't that hard - at least that is what I told myself!   I wouldn't change one hard day for anything in the world - bc those babies brought so much life and love into our marriage and our lives I will forever be grateful to them.

I am now looking at them and they are about to be 9 in two months!!!  How in the world did that happen.  It hit me last night as I put them to bed in their gueen size beds, no superhero or princess sheets and no rocking them to sleep, just kissing them, reading a story and tucking them in - they are growing up right before my eyes.  I went from feeding their needs to now trying to teach them things.  Are we really teaching them what they need to know and are we still feeding their needs.  I constantly think are we enough?  Are we teaching them what they need to know to make it through their day?  Am I being the Mom I always said I would be?  Am I a good example for them? The list of questions of doubt, fear and hope could go on and on.  But, when I see them figure something out, be kind, show confidence, and love God I  know we are doing something right.  Trayce amazes me what he is little young mind thinks - he asked me last night when I was tucking him into bed - "Mom do you believe in God" I replied "yes" - he asked me "Why"  I said well for the same reasons I hope you do - which is I believe he died on the cross for me to live and continue to share his love. I asked Trayce "Do you believe?" He replies "Yes he is my Lord and Savior, I was baptized with his love and I know He lives in my heart"  He then continues to tell me that there are people in the world that do not believe and those are the ones the devil is trying to make us believe, but he knows that Jesus would not like that so he will just continue to pray for those people even though he doesn't know them.  I was absolutely blown away - how this little boy has it really all figured out and he doesn't even know it!  Times like this I know God is working our family and guiding us and I couldn't be more proud of my son in that one moment then I ever have.

I I know I make a lot of mistakes and I don't always say the right thing at that right moment, react in the right way and I probably don't apologize to them as much as I should.  But, I do know we learn each day from each other on how to be better human beings - they are teaching me just as much as I am teaching them.


Keep smiling and keep praying - I know I will (even for the ones I don't know - just like my son taught me)


Proverb 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
  
Mark 10: 13-16 "People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them."  

Deuteronomy 6:7 "Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

Can I pray for me...????

As we sat in church this morning I prayed for my kids, my husband, my family, friends, my usual prayers. However the second I was done praying I snapped at my kids.  As I was praying I was being tapped, pulled, with all of a sudden "I have to get water I need to use the bathroom".  It's not like we live far from the church, but the second we walk in its like every bodily function stops!  I honestly thinks it's their way of not having to sit for an entire hour, but I guess I'll take them sitting there for 45 minutes over not... I even joked with the couple behind me, please pray for me. Silently I was calming myself down from having a breakdown on my kids!!! 

I started to think during mass, am I praying for the right things?  I never stop and pray for me... But I feel selfish for praying for me... I shouldn't be taking up Gods time with me, there are far more important things to pray for then me... My kids, my husband, my friends, etc they need my prayers more... Right????....

But in all honesty no one knows me or my heart and soul better than Jesus.  He already knows my fears, faults, blemishes, and shortcomings (snapping at my kids this morning comes to mind) yet He still chooses to love and accept ME for ME.  So how can I not pray for myself, I need Him to guide me, listen to me and show me how or be a better person. I need Him to show me how to be closer to him, I need Him for my walk in this life.  All of this is going through my mind at mass this morning.  During  the homily, our Priest talks about jealousy, fairness, being thankful for your own blessings.  I realized I can't get through this life without praying for myself, I need Him to help me not be envious of others, to be humble, thankful and appreciative of the blessings I have. I realized I am important enough, He created me and He doesn't create anything that isn't worth praying for. And that includes me too.  

Without praying for myself, how can I be strong enough to pray for others, guide my kids to follow His word, be a good faith filled wife to my husband, help others, & pray for others. Without making sure I'm solid in my faith, then how can I help others? The only way I'm solid is through prayer with Jesus. I encourage each of you to take a moment and pray for yourself!  Just like me YOU are worth it too!!!!

Keep smiling and keep praying, I know I will (and even say a prayer for myself!) 

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Mom for YOUR family is the best kind....

Lately I have been seeing, reading, hearing about life of a stay at home Mom vs working Moms.  First this is NOT a post that says one is better than the other!  When I created the blog years ago it was a way to put my thoughts, feelings, memories etc so one day the twins could read about it.  With that being said, I want Trayce and Paige to know that although I wasn't the stay at home Mom I was a Mom who still loved them and didn't choose a career over her kids...I just chose what worked for our family!  Isn't that what we all do for our families???....

When we got pregnant and even found out we were having twins it was never in my mind to be a stay at home Mom - I always knew I wanted to work.  Does that make me a "bad Mom" or a someone who doesn't love as much?  Some said to me (yes they really did say this!) - "Don't you love your kids enough to stay at home with them", "You are working to just pay daycare "," you must not be the baby/kid type", "You're just a secretary - why work"... and really the list could go on what I have been told over the years.   But, if I could go back and change if I worked or not - I would have done it all over again.  I have enjoyed working.  I like the idea of having a career life plus a family life and having to balance it.  Which sometimes I balance it better then others - but it is still a balancing act.  I do know I could not have it "all" without Eric - he is the boat in our marriage that keeps us a float and with God as our Anchor we are sure to keep going strong!

Some say that working Moms get a break from being a Mom, but I don't know about you but being a Mom doesn't stop once you drop your kids off at the sitter, daycare, school etc.  Some say our priorities aren't in the right order for our kids - but in all honesty who says your priorities are the same as mine???  I may not be at home with them 24/7, but I do know that my love is there 24/7.
  
I think we can look at all the choices you make with raising kids - we all do it different!  Having kids isn't a cookie cutter situation - it's a lets take what we got and make it work kind of deal!  Some breast feed, some use formula.  I tried to breast feed - it lasted for 10 days (then I heard from men and women - you just aren't trying hard enough, you didn't give it long enough...again another list I could go on about).  News alert... that was the worst 10 days of my life!!!  There was no bonding, not a special time, I would "feel the connection" etc blah blah blah stuff I was told by the lactation nurse!!!  Paige literally made me cry each time - I haven't had a mammogram yet, but I can imagine that is what it was like!  They were on a strict schedule so guess what - they feed at the same time - yep I was holding two footballs and leaning back praying they would hurry up!  Needless to say 10 days was AWESOME for me to last that long!!!!  Okay - back to the list of comparisons! Store bought baby food, your own home made baby food.  Again I tried the make our own baby food - there is a reason Gerber has been around forEVER!!!!  cry it out, cosleeping, pacifier, glass bottles, etc... the list really can go on and on.  But at the end of the day - we are ALL Moms and we love our kids in our own way.  We do what we need to do for OUR families!  When younger moms ask me questions on what to do or how to do it - I always share my experience but I always  elaborate on "do what works for YOU and your baby!!!"  Just because it works for one doesn't mean it works for all!  I strongly believe we should be a MOM for our own family and not try to be like anyone else, just bc one Mom does it one way doesn't make you or me a bad Mom bc we do it differently. I chose to be the Mom of our family and what works for our family is the best kind of Mom for our family.

Life is hard, life goes by quickly, I am sure I am guilty of it giving advice when I shouldn't, but if we all tried to motivate, strengthen, and encourage eachother especially MOMS we may get through this life alot easier and even with a little less guilt!  In 1 Thessalonians 5:11 it tells us  "Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."

At some point today - build someone up, encourage them - you never know what they are feeling, what guilt, what is weighing on their hearts today - but by you saying good job Mom - regardless if you are a working mom or stay at home mom - we all need a little bit of encouragement!

Keep smiling and keep praying - I know I am!!!!

Homemade Memories

Well we celebrated another year of the twins life on March 28th!  I really can't believe they are 8 - I mean really when did that happen!!!  Usually I am the lets start planning in January for their party, I spend hours thinking of the perfect theme, colors, food, cake design, invites and what Paige will wear!  This year was a little different... I don't know if it's bc I am getting older of it it's them getting older.  Neither could decide what they wanted to do - one big party, two small parties, sleepover, movies, bowling, Seaworld - even Disney - yeah they reach for the stars :).  I have taught them it never hurts to ask! Paige wanted one friend and have a girls day, Trayce wanted a big party and invite everyone we knew! I told them they had to decide what they wanted and they must come to an agreement.  So for about a week, they went back and forth on what to do - finally they compromised!  I still haven't decided if they pulled a fast one on me... 

We had an evening with one friend each for a sleepover then the next day had a game of bowling and a movie.  Which ended up be fantastic - we did hotdogs, made smores, and Eric and I even played hide and seek in the dark with them - it was a great night!  Then 2 weeks later we had a family party - this was alot fun and special for them to have all their family celebrating with them - it's not all the time we get all of our family together.  However for this party - I didn't stress, I sent email invites out and even used a picture of them from Christmas, I bought what was on sale at Card and Party Factory for the napkins and plates, I didn't spend $100 on cakes - I made a Buttermilk pie for Trayce (per his request) and bought a $9.99 kroger strawberry cake for Paige. These kids had the best time!  They smiled from ear to ear the entire time.  I even enjoyed the party - I wasn't stressed out - I actually visited with everyone!  Not that I don't love throwing the best themed parties - but it was nice to just have a simple homemade party!  Sometimes the best parties are the ones that you don't spend alot of money on but you spend alot of time with the people there.  I have learned alot in the past 8 years - it's not what money can buy that makes us happy its the time and memories we make while just being together!  I can't recall the last party I hosted where I just enjoyed and took in each moment.  I am vowing to do that more often - it's good for all of us.

So keep on smiling and keep on praying - and go have a homemade kind of party!


And aren't these the most precious 8 year olds ever!!! I know I am a little biased! 

It's been too long!

Too long - I looked at my last post and wow it was too long ago to even think about trying to catch up.. however you look at my draft blogs I tried to write you would see I at least started - just didn't finish!  So where are we now... 6 weeks into the twins 2nd grade year!!! 2nd grade - crap when did that happen - it was just yesterday I was taking them to daycare!  Oh well I guess I need to take my own advice and suck it up - they grow up and that they do so quickly. So this blog is just going to be a run down on who they are and what they are up to...

Trayce - my sweet boy still.  He is the most sincere, loving, thoughtful little boy I have ever meet.  Ever since he was a baby he would look at you and make you feel like you were the only one around - well he still does that, his hugs have gotten tighter and his love has gotten grander!  When other parents, teachers, etc talk about Trayce they always say he is such a sweet kid, it makes me feel good, b/c I feel like I am doing my job, I am trying to raise a good man one day and good men are sweet - so I am hoping this means we are on the right track.  He is extremely hard on himself and his biggest critic.  He has this deep desire to be the best at everything and when that doesn't happen he shuts down and beats himself up.  I wish I could say I wonder where he gets it from, but he does get that honestly.  Eric and I are both driven people and when we don't succeed (in our eyes) we seem to take it a little harder then most.  We got his first report card for 2nd grade and it was all A's and 2 B's (which 88 and 86 are pretty dang close to an A), but in his mind it isn't good enough unless there is all A's! Well tears filled his eyes and you could see disappointment all over his sweet face - it really did break my heart to watch it unfold - those are times when I really wish I could shake him and tell him to not be like me!  He snapped out of it pretty quick bc of course he didn't want anyone to see him cry, but how I wish he could be as proud of him as we are!  But, all in all he is doing great - shot his first hog this year with his Daddy and can't wait to sit in his own deer stand this year.  Got his first hunting license and went dove hunting several times already!  He even told us he may not play basketball this year b/c it interferes with duck hunting too much!  For that y'all he is is Fathers Son!!!

Paige - my little miss priss!  She is all girl but with a tom boy side starting to set in.  More and more each day she is outside throwing the football with Trayce, shooting her bb gun and trying to kill squirrels with it!  But, she in all of that she has a bow in her hair and lip gloss on!  In my eyes perfect!  The funny thing with Paige is she doesn't want to grow up - she tells me all the time she wants to stay little and never get big, she likes being the baby of the house.  Hopefully this won't bite up in the you know what later - but right now I do like the fact she doesn't want to big!  She is very versatile - one day she is wanting cute boutique clothes and the ruffles and big bows then the next she wants her nike shorts and a t-shirt (however there is still a bow - just not a huge frilly one!).  She is an athlete in her own right - her tumbling skills have surpassed my wildest expectations!  I was happy with one back hand spring - nope she is now wanting to see how many she can do in a row!  She is working on getting her back tuck down (which that scares the begeezies out of me!).  She makes it look so easy!  She is also in dance and loving it hip hop of course - she has the moves - her Daddy says he got it from her, but anyone who knows Eric knows she def got the better part of his dance moves!  Her grades are all A's - she is struggling in math a little, to the point where she is having a little anxiety (again she gets that honestly - notice the pattern my kids get my bad traits!).  For her to struggle with something is new territory, but I will say she is not a quitter, she will work and work at it till she knows it - which that I am so proud.  When she saw her report card - she said it quietly to me that she made all A's - she didn't want to hurt her brother bc she knew how badly he wanted all A's. I hope their love and sweetness stays like this forever!


Here are some pics of my loves... I will try to not wait so long next time to blog - since the whole purpose of this blog was to have something written down for the kids to look back at when they are older!  So I apologize now for letting life get in the way - but at least we are living life!!!

Keep smiling and keep praying - I know I will!

Hustle and Bustle

It's been awhile since I sat down and took the time to put fingers to keyboard (I really wanted to say pen to paper).  I feel like the past year has been a blur.  We are in the last 6 weeks of the twins 1st grade~! How in the crap did that happen!!!! 

They have lost teeth, did things they couldn't do a year ago, turned 7, didn't want a big combined birthday party, they are growing up!!!!  I hate it - I see people with 3 and 4 year olds and I think to myself I wish my babies were still that small - not that I haven't enjoyed these years, b/c I have, but I really do feel I haven't enjoyed it as much as I should have!  I was too worried about manners, being kind, playing fair, teaching compassion, love, and how to be "the" good kids!  Yes, I did let them play in the mud, take huge bubble baths, go places, be kids - but I think I didn't enjoy those little things like I should have.  I hope it isn't too late!

I worry that as a Mom they are not going to think I was fun, played enough, laughed until we cried, played in the rain, dance crazy - yes we have done all those things, but did I do it enough.  I think I feel sometimes as Moms we get so caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle we forget to stop and enjoy the small things.  I beat myself up for being too hard on them, I should have said it differently, I shouldn't have yelled, I have to remember they are only kids, I shouldn't have compared them to each other!  Things I do in the moment and then instantly feel bad for - usually I say I am sorry, but there are times I don't.  I need to reroute my focus!

Lent just ended two weeks ago. I didn't give up anything, but I vowed I was going to take more time for prayer, which I did and it felt so good.  However, there were days I slipped and didn't pray like I should have, I didn't give the Lord my full attention - I let the hustle and bustle of everyday life get in the way - the same as I do with my kids.  I let the smallest but most important things get in the way of what the big picture is about.  So I am vowing today, to not allow the hustle and bustle of life get in the way of 1.) my prayer time with my Lord and 2.) to allow me to stop and enjoy these years with my kids - b/c if the rest of their childhood is anything like this past year - it is going to fly by and in 10 years I will be blogging about them leaving for college and how I missed so much!  I refuse to let that happen! 

So with all that said - whomever reads this blog, if you are a Mom and are letting the hustle and bustle of life get in your way of your prayer time and your Mommy moments - please stop what you are doing and pray and the second you get a chance grab your kids and tell them you love them and go and have fun with your kids b/c in a blur they are grown!!!

Keep smiling and keep praying... I know I am