It's been awhile since I sat down and took the time to put fingers to keyboard (I really wanted to say pen to paper). I feel like the past year has been a blur. We are in the last 6 weeks of the twins 1st grade~! How in the crap did that happen!!!!
They have lost teeth, did things they couldn't do a year ago, turned 7, didn't want a big combined birthday party, they are growing up!!!! I hate it - I see people with 3 and 4 year olds and I think to myself I wish my babies were still that small - not that I haven't enjoyed these years, b/c I have, but I really do feel I haven't enjoyed it as much as I should have! I was too worried about manners, being kind, playing fair, teaching compassion, love, and how to be "the" good kids! Yes, I did let them play in the mud, take huge bubble baths, go places, be kids - but I think I didn't enjoy those little things like I should have. I hope it isn't too late!
I worry that as a Mom they are not going to think I was fun, played enough, laughed until we cried, played in the rain, dance crazy - yes we have done all those things, but did I do it enough. I think I feel sometimes as Moms we get so caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle we forget to stop and enjoy the small things. I beat myself up for being too hard on them, I should have said it differently, I shouldn't have yelled, I have to remember they are only kids, I shouldn't have compared them to each other! Things I do in the moment and then instantly feel bad for - usually I say I am sorry, but there are times I don't. I need to reroute my focus!
Lent just ended two weeks ago. I didn't give up anything, but I vowed I was going to take more time for prayer, which I did and it felt so good. However, there were days I slipped and didn't pray like I should have, I didn't give the Lord my full attention - I let the hustle and bustle of everyday life get in the way - the same as I do with my kids. I let the smallest but most important things get in the way of what the big picture is about. So I am vowing today, to not allow the hustle and bustle of life get in the way of 1.) my prayer time with my Lord and 2.) to allow me to stop and enjoy these years with my kids - b/c if the rest of their childhood is anything like this past year - it is going to fly by and in 10 years I will be blogging about them leaving for college and how I missed so much! I refuse to let that happen!
So with all that said - whomever reads this blog, if you are a Mom and are letting the hustle and bustle of life get in your way of your prayer time and your Mommy moments - please stop what you are doing and pray and the second you get a chance grab your kids and tell them you love them and go and have fun with your kids b/c in a blur they are grown!!!
Keep smiling and keep praying... I know I am
