Time Flies

It feels like forever since I blogged!  So much going on you would think I would stop and write it all down - but yeah that hasn't happened :).  I can't believe it is almost Christmas!  Where has this year gone?  SO many blessings this year.  Some came with heartache, some came easy, and some came when we weren't expecting them.  My precious babies are growing up so fast and becoming such little people - not babies!  It is hard for me to remember that - they aren't babies anymore!  Well they will always be MY babies, but you know what I mean!

This past weekend we went to New Braunfels for the Holiday in Gruene - we got to see Cowboy Santa, shoot pool in Gruene Hall, shopped and had lots of laughs.  I had a Mommy moment when Trayce decided his tummy wasn't feeling too well - he had that cough - that I knew was a cough that would slowly have something follow! Well let just say I was faster than a speeding bullet in getting him out of the store!  Once he got some sleep he felt much better and once he woke up he wanted to go to Gruene Hall - how could I deny him of that!  This is the second year that I have taken the kids and they love it - they actually ask to go back - there isn't a ton to do, but there is something about Gruene that gets a hold of young and old.  As we were standing in front of Gruene Hall - I looked at the kids laughing and playing - I prayed that one day they would bring their kids and remember all the memories they had (the store tummy ache will def be one!).  As we left the parade - the kids were on cloud nine - there was a airplane in the sky with red lights - they swear it was Santa and Rudolf - it brought tears to my eyes watching their smiles and eyes light up when I confirmed that is what they saw!  It even brought the kid out in me and hand in hand we skipped all the way to the car (literally we skipped - you would have thought we all had laughing gas - we were laughing so hard) I hope we always laugh like that!

As a Mom we all wear so many hats and most of the time we are wearing them at the same time.  I tend to let things slide by - my house isn't always spic and span, I have dust, dirty floors, and laundry that piles up - but I do have really happy kids that have done more in their 6 years of life then I did my whole childhood.  The second I decided to be a parent, I vowed to the kids and myself I would never push them to the side b/c I was too tired, or I needed to stay home and clean, or I cooked each night and didn't spend time with them in the evenings.  Believe me they don't notice the messy house and the sandwiches for dinner - but they do notice when I am not spending time with them.  I hope they always notice that b/c I never want them to feel 2nd to those things.  I want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember how much fun they had and how I always played with them, and even skip with them in the parking lot.

Until next time keep smiling and keep praying - I know I am!

Fully Charged

This weekend I went to the Women of Faith Conference in San Antonio.  I haven't been in several years and I forgot how much I missed the conference.  I also got to spend this time with one of the most amazing women I know - my college roommate Stacey - she and I were thick as thieves back in the day and I cherished our time we got to spend together - she is an amazing woman of Faith and I am so blessed she is in my life!

This year the conference was very centered around young Mom's and finding your way through your crazy days.  I prayed during my (4.5 hour road trip) that He touch my heart over the weekend and give me the extra push that I need to work on my relationship with him.  I say I am a Christian and I try to be a good one.  But, so many times I trip and fall and I wonder - will he really love me if he knows the real me?  I know stupid question huh (he made me so yes he knows me!).  But, what if I am not all he made me to be, what if I am falling short, what if I can't be that good Christian woman that I think I should be...  This weekend one of the speakers (Angie Smith) talked about the what if's and we need to learn to let go of those and concentrate on the What is...  so what is my what is?  That my friends I don't know - but I do know that I am willing to dive into the scripture and find out.  I bought a bible study for me and a girlfriend to start - we have been talking about for a while now - but now we are doing it.  It is about Chasing Jesus (Jennie Allen) - well I am ready to chase him that is for sure.  I know I will never be perfect and I know at times I will fall down - but the glorious thing is he is ALWAYS right there with open arms to embrace me and love me for who I am with all of my imperfections.  I prayed hard on my way home - I turned the radio off and I just prayed - it rained on me the most of the way home - during my prayer I went through a town and it stopped raining for a few miles - there was a rainbow - I think He sent that to me to show me He was listening and riding in the car with me.  I haven't seen a rainbow in years - how ironic that I saw one then...  We say we need signs - well I am here to say I believe that was my sign.  I prayed He would continue to push me to find him and to work on our relationship.

 Sunday morning at church I had an amazing thing happen to me.  Each Sunday I sit on the pew while Eric and the kids get up and take communion (well Eric does - the kids get blessed for now).  I usually take that time to pray alone and it is nice, it's like my own special quiet time with God in his house, however something came over me and I just got up and walked up to the alter and Father Lowery blessed me (I think I shocked him - when he saw me he just smiled so big and I knew it was okay, I had a sense of calmness...)  I sat down and was shaking almost, tears in my eyes - I couldn't believe I did it - I walked up there and got blessed.  Most of you are thinking so what is the big deal - but mind you it is a very small church and everyone notices... I just always worried what others would think if I got up and just got blessed.  I thought it was easier for me to just sit in the pew and pray and hope no one noticed I didn't go up there.  Apparently Jesus didn't care and he pushed me to get closer to him.  Again - something else I learned I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me and just concentrate on what He thinks of me.  How thankful I am for that  push!  I guess I experienced one of those moments I always hear about!   I have a long way to go, but I am so ready for this journey - I need this void filled and who better to fill it then our God!  He defiantly charged my spiritual battery for me and now it is up to me to keep it plugged in!

Until next time keep smiling and keep praying - I know I will be!

We survived the 1st Six Weeks of 1st Grade!!!!

We have survived the first 6 weeks of 1st grade!  I feel like I am back in school.  We read, do spelling words, work on sight words, and attempt math (poor things I think I will need a tutor when the math gets more than just adding and subtracting!).  But, all in all they are doing great.

 I meet with each of their teachers last week to check on their progress and transition from kinder to 1st.

We will start with Trayce man:
   He has and I think will always be my perfectionist - he wants everything just in the right order and hates nothing more then to NOT be good at something!  Well - school is going to come a little harder for him then most.  He is very smart, but he has to work at knowing his sounds, recognizing his sight words etc, BUT I will say in the past 6 weeks, he has came miles from where he was.  However, not making all 100's is very hard for him to accept.  He threw away a 90 grade on a test in math he got - I found it and asked why - he said it's not a 100!  I was like seriously it's an A (wish I would have made A's in math.. another blog ha) - he thought he should have done better.  He is going to be his toughest critic, but it also pushes him to do better.  It is sad the kids are so worried about making 100's now - spelling test for example, if they make a 100 on their pretest they don't have to take the test on Friday.  I like the 2nd try, however it makes them think if they miss one or two they didn't do good... we are struggling with this at home, but he is getting better with accepting he isn't ALWAYS going to make a 100!  Overall he is doing great and is making strives each week to be better.  He goes with a teacher one on one each day for 30 minutes to have the extra help with the phonics, which he LOVES going, I think he just likes the attention :) but it's working so I am all for it.  Our amazing friend Casey is helping a little each day and she is making more strives with him then I think anyone can - he wants to please her so bad!  She is definitely a blessing to us!  I really don't know what I would do without her!

Little Miss Paige:
  She is having a blast being in school.  Her teacher told me she is in her top group and would run things if she let her (her Kindergarten teacher said the same thing ha!).  I think we have a little leader in the bunch.  She loves writing and her teacher told me she is excited to see where her creative writing takes her as her vocabulary and spelling progresses.  At home she write songs and books - it is pretty amazing.  She is NOT hard on herself - she just goes with the flow. I love her free spirit and stress free attitude. She also takes everyone's feelings in to account.  Especially her brothers.  At the beginning of school Trayce was not making 100's on his spelling test and she was making them on the pretest (without effort!). Eric and I call her Mini Tiffany! They came home a couple weeks into school and I asked about the spelling - Trayce tells me (sadly) he missed 2, Paige says oh I think I missed one or two.  I didn't pay any mind to it - I went about the evening - when they were taking showers I went through their folders - low and behold Paige made a 100.  I went and asked her about it - she said "oh okay I guess I forgot"  then she went on to tell me - "don't say anything to bubba I don't want him to be upset".  My heart melted and I was so proud of her at that moment!   Anytime Trayce says he isn't good at something she is the first person to say well I am not as good as you in math :) So many kids would have wanted to rub it in their siblings face - but not mine - they actually care about each others feelings!   

In general I am so proud of both of them and the little people they are turning in to.  I am so blessed that I get to be a Mom to them - they truly are the light of my life!Not saying they don't have their moments - but all in all they are such good kids!

We went Dove hunting as a family a couple weekends ago - against Paige and I's will - but Eric was persistent that we go as a family.  Low and behold we (all of us) had a blast!  I didn't kill a bird, but I was going through bullets like crazy!  Trayce killed his first Dove and I think Eric was more excited then Trayce - Eric was jumping around like a wild man!  Paige had a blast finding all the birds - she didn't mind at all getting in there and picking up dead birds - she even helped her Daddy clean them when we got back to the camp house!

So until next time keep smiling and keep praying.... I know I will be...

  

First Grade

It has been a whirl wind summer (hence I'm just now blogging something about school). But what a great summer we had. I think we went non stop, but that is what I like about summer, late nights, pallets in the living room, days off, ice cream for dinner all the things I can only do now while they are young!

The kids had a great summer. Between getting shuffled around between my sweet friends this summer (so I didn't have to donate my kidney to pay for child care) and the Fridays with their favorite Katie I was able to be stress free knowing my kids were having fun and being loved ;). We ended our summer in South Carolina and we all had a great time, none of us wanted to leave and come back to reality! But we did and now the kids are going in to their 3rd week of school!!!

Paige loves her class and is reading more and more each day. She has a little creative mind. She loves to write stories! I love it and am so proud of her for wanting to learn more.

Trayce is doing well and enjoying seeing all of his friends. I have seen extra confidence in him this year with his studies. My sweet friend Casey is tutoring him and I think without her extra help we would not be where we are with his studies. I am so proud of him for not wanting to give up.

This coming week starts the crazy schedule, dance, tumbling, faith formation classes, homework, and whatever else is thrown at us, but bring it on, we got this!!! But, really say a prayer for us ;)

Until next time keep smiling and keep praying, I know I am!!!

Growing up...

So I did something for the first time today. For the first time in 6 years I dropped my kids off to spend time with their Great Grandma (GiGi), Nana, and their Aunt Carri for 6 days! Needless to say I'm wondering how I am going to act! They have stayed overnight with people before, but never to the point where I will not see them for several days! I know they are going to have a blast and I am so happy they get this time. But the selfish part of me wants them with me! I should be jumping for joy for the alone time, and the adult time with Eric, but I'm lying here in bed wondering how they are! Which I know they are fine, how can they not, they are going to be ruling the roost and getting spoiled beyond belief! I guess it's all part of growing up, I am still trying figure out where the time has gone. It seems like yesterday when I was the only one who could put Trayce to sleep (now the boy can go to sleep anywhere) and the only one who could do Paige's hair right (now she does her own hair). People always say the time will fly by, cherish each moment and I have tried to hold on to those moments, I so hope I didn't forget any! I think being a Mom is such a hard job, you love when it's good, you love when it hurts and you love even when you have to let go and let them grow. I know this is just the beginning of letting them go & do fun things without me, but I do have to cut myself some slack, it's the first time! Right? Lol! I also know this will be a week they will always remember. My Grandma (GiGi) won't be around forever, so for them to get to have this time with her fills my heart with so much joy and happiness. I know it does hers too.

I looked to the bible for some scripture that would help me with my anxiety for letting my kids go and it's okay that I am not with them all the time and this one spoke to me:
Proverbs 22:6
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it."

This tells me that as long as I keep our core and foundation solid and we continue to raise our kids by Faith and His word, when they do leave (either for 5 days or when they leave our home to be on there own) they will not depart from our Lord and will not depart from me or my love.

Keep smiling and keep praying... I know I will be!

Confusion

Today I blog about personal struggles of confusion.  I just need to get this off my chest and hope that those few (maybe 2 of you :)) will pray for me.  When I was 14 I started attending church with a friend and her parents, after attending regularly for a few months, I decided this is what I was missing in my life.  I didn't grow up in home where God was first - really it was never talked about, I knew they believed, but it wasn't a staple in our family.  I was always envious when I would hear of people talking about church camps, vbs etc - I couldn't relate, but that all changed when I chose to let our Lord in my heart.  It was a huge decision that a scared 14 year old girl made all on her own.  To this day it is one of my proudest days in my life.  I remember walking up to the front of the church like it was yesterday and proclaiming my life to him - all alone - no parents there to cheer me on - but a huge church full of people smiling and praying for me.  I got baptized that Easter of '92 - another day I will never forget.  Of course through the years I was back and forth with the church.  I never thought I would find myself confused with my religion.  When Eric and I decided to get married we talked about where - but I felt since his parents were paying for the majority of the wedding it would be respectful to get married in the Catholic church - to me it didn't matter where - as long as it was in a church and he and I were getting married!  When it came time to have kids I still was distant from the church we would go the catholic church every now and then.  When we had the kids - it started to bother me more and more we weren't involved with a church - I wanted the kids to grow up in a church unlike I did - I hated I missed so much as child b/c it wasn't available so I wanted to make sure my kids have the church as part of their childhood.  Eric's relationship with our Lord was not the best at the time so I took it upon myself to attend a church by myself with the kids at Second Baptist Church - it was a huge void filled when I started attending and the kids loved Sunday School and I enjoyed the service and small group - I thought I am finally back!  Then we move to Centerville - and I have blogged about this before so no use to getting into it - but I didn't seek out a church home - we just went to the Catholic church. That now I have grown to love.  But, I have never thought about becoming Catholic - not that is some bad thing, it is just I am scared to give up my religion as Baptist.  I take a lot of pride in saying I am Baptist I think because it was such a huge decision I made on my own as a teenager - but at the end of the day I guess the most important thing is I say I am a Christian.  Hebrews 13:8 says "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever"so that tells me whatever religion, Baptist, Catholic, Methodist etc - our Jesus Christ is the same everywhere!  But, why do I find so much struggle to allow the Catholic religion in my heart.  My husband, my kids and some of my family are Catholic - but WHY am I having such a hard time with it. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope".  I need to be still, pray and wait for his sign to tell me what to do - but I am not good at being still - so I need your help with prayers as I struggle with this inner confusion on what shall I do - seek my faith as a Catholic woman or continue to be Baptist and attend the Catholic church with my family (which I am fine with - I love the order of mass - I like the priest and I have grown to understand and respect the traditions the Catholic faith holds).  I guess sometimes I just think I should be more than what I am doing....

Thank you for reading - if you didn't get bored at the top of the page - like I said - I just need prayers right now.... so keep smiling and keep praying - Lord knows I am 

 

Kindergarten!

Well I made it through Friday! You would all be proud I only shed a couple tears! Trayce helped lead everyone in the Pledge of Allegiance and the Texas Pledge, I was so proud of him! This is coming from the kid that use to stand on stage with a blank stare with his hands close to his mouth! He did great! Paige helped sing a song with two others and she did an amazing job! She does love to sing so you never know, we all know she isn't afraid to be the center of attention. They asked what each student wanted to be when they grew up: Trayce said he wants to be a diver so he can catch lobster and Paige wants to be a hairstylist. Which I know this will change a million times before they grow up!

The main reason I am writing this blog is one it's therapy for me to get all the things in my head out, but also that I hope one day my kids will look back and see just how much I did adore them and I wasn't always just telling them keep their elbows off the table, use your manners and always say your prayers! I want them to know they mean the world to me and know that no matter what they want to be in life I will always be their biggest fan! So I thought I would write just a few things about them that I have watched them do in the past year...

Paige: you are the most caring and thoughtful 6 year old. You have a caring instinct about you that wants to help people. You always want to be the one to set the good example and you are not afraid to say when something is wrong. I pray that those two qualities never leave you. Your teacher told me at the beginning of school you were a leader, she said you would run that class if she let you! So instead she made you the helper to others that needed help: you shined in that role. You are so laid back (sometimes a little too much), but you enjoy each moment in life and you take your time and will stop to smell the roses. Keep doing this life is too precious not too. You have helped me slow down and take in the simpler things. I think each day you get more beautiful and are growing up before my eyes, but most of all as beautiful as you are on the outside, you are 10 times more beautiful on the inside! You are doing so well with tumbling, I enjoy watching the excitement in your eyes each time you do your routine or nail your back handspring! Thank you for being an amazing daughter and being such a special gift from God! I love you whole world whole heart!

Trayce: you are a sensitive and thoughtful little boy. You always put others first and want others to be happy. You will let someone else go first bc you know you will eventually get your turn. You always think of Paige, you always want to make sure she is okay and she gets the same thing as you. You take things seriously but then at the same time you find something to smile and laugh about. You love to make people laugh if you figure out you are doing something funny that makes others smile you keep doing it. You are hard on yourself, but only bc you want to be the best. That is okay, but always know that as long as you try you are doing more than some. Your not afraid to get out and try something and for that I am so proud! You are a little athlete in the making, I have yet to see you play something you are not good at, I hope you continue to love sports bc that is when I see you shine, you have such a drive for it and I admire that so much. Your heart is full of love, I see how people smile when you are around you make people feel like they are the only ones around (you have done this since you were a baby). Thank you for making my heart melt each time you hug me and tell me you love me more than anything (even baseball)!!! I love you to the moon and stars and back!

How time flies...

This time last year I was getting ready for the kids to graduate Pre-K, well now I am 2 days away from them graduating kindergarten!  I just can't believe it they are growing before my eyes and as much I love it I hate in the same sentence.  I remember someone telling me that I will be suprised how much they mature from the first day of kindergarten and when they graduate kindergarten - it is so true - they are like kids now - not babies anymore!  Although I will dare anyone to tell me they are not babies - they are MY babies!  They both tell me all the time when I say how big they are getting or why are they growing up so fast - they laugh and say but Mom we will always be YOUR babies!  At least they know that right :)  Paige asked me earlier in the week if I was going to cry and before I could answer Trayce says Duh - she is Mom that is what she does!!! See what I mean about growing up - really where do they learn that!  So I am pre-warning you with my blog next week I am sure it will be all sentimental and emotional about them walking across the stage and me crying like a titty baby!  So here are some pics of them over the years that are my favorite - enjoy....

 

 

 

 I had to stop myself - you would have been looking for hours - these are just some of my favorite!  AND YES I cried as I went through these!  Like Trayce said - I am Mom that is what I do!

Until next time - keep smiling and keep praying I know I will....

Husbands/Dads

There are so many times that I harp on what my husband doesn't do that I don't see what he DOES do!

In the beginning of our journey I thought about this perfect little family we would have, you know the picture: the one with the dad playing catch (in plaid shorts with a crisp clean polo and the Mom in her perfect dress placing the perfect picnic (you know with all home grown veggies and fruit with fresh squeezed lemonade) & smiling from ear to ear. That perfect "family" picture that all the parenting magazines portray! Little did I know that was NOT reality. In the first year with the twins we just took each day as a day to celebrate another day we all survived! I can honestly say that the first year was by far the hardest year I have ever had, but in the same sentence the most rewarding! Eric and I learned real quick it was NOT all about us and what we expected in life. The every 3 hour feedings the same routine day after day was hard but it paid off. Our kids were sleeping through the night by 2 months, they were growing, developing quicker then expected. We were doing if right... Of course I felt Eric wasn't doing all that he should do as a Dad, but what did I know right???  Sitting back and looking at it now, I did have it all (and still do): and it was not made up or staged! So many things have lead up to Eric and I's journey. And the kids are just a blessing in it all. He has provided for us financially and spiritually. For awhile I couldn't see it, but now I do. He is a good husband to me. I never go a day not knowing he loves and adores me. But more than that our kids don't go a day without knowing how much he loves them. This weekend he took Trayce camping with the guys. He had the time of his life (actually both of them did). Eric is making memories with Trayce that can never be forgotten. I am so blessed that my son has a Dad that wants to share those things. He is teaching him far more than just how to set up a tent, make a jig, or burn an oil lantern but he is teaching him how to be a good Man and one day a good Daddy!  I am so blessed for the man God sent me and I thank him all the time for when he made Eric and I he made us for each other.  Because I am really not sure who else could have put up with the two of us - couldn't get too mushy!

Until next time.... keep praying and keep smiling!

Miles Away....

I got my hopes up and I know better than to do that!  Eric and and Trayce are going on a camping trip with the boys this weekend - they leave tomorrow and come home Sunday.  So my wheels got to spinning on what Paige and I could get ourselves into.  I looked up flight prices to South Carolina - to surprise my parents. Since it is spring break flights were out of this world!  So that was out - I mentioned it to my Dad in passing well him and Vicki jumped all over it - however with the time frame we just couldn't get the buddy passes in time.  I know it sounds petty to be upset in the grand scheme of things (I am just blessed to have them as my parents and have the relationship with them that I do and the fact that they tried to help get us tickets) - but I am. I guess more disappointed really.  I only get to see them once a year and it is so hard only getting to talk via text, over the phone and through email.  I can't understand how people who can live a few miles from their parents and never see them - we live miles and miles away from each other and I would give anything to get in the car and only have to drive a few miles to see my parents!  But - not getting to see my Dad when I want to just plain hurts and sucks; I always have been and probably always will be a Daddy's girl - I have been since I was a little girl. He and I have grown up together - he was so young when my Mom and him had me and we both had to go through a rocky journey with one another - but in the end it played out perfectly.  God knew his plan for us and the path was hard, but who said anything you want in life is easy!  As always God knew what he was doing - my Dad and I's relationship is stronger than it could ever be and I am so blessed for that - I would do it all over again to be right where we are now.  Vicki is probably the best Step Mom (I wish there was a better word - sounds like we shouldn't be close) I could have every dreamed of.  She has been and is my guiding light in my faith.  She has helped steer my journey as a woman, a mom, a wife and as a christian - not having her close just breaks my heart!  She tells me all the time how lucky she is to have me, but in all reality I am the one who is really lucky!  Sorry this post isn't too uplifting or feel good, but today I just want to say I miss my parents!!!!

Until next time.....