Confusion

Today I blog about personal struggles of confusion.  I just need to get this off my chest and hope that those few (maybe 2 of you :)) will pray for me.  When I was 14 I started attending church with a friend and her parents, after attending regularly for a few months, I decided this is what I was missing in my life.  I didn't grow up in home where God was first - really it was never talked about, I knew they believed, but it wasn't a staple in our family.  I was always envious when I would hear of people talking about church camps, vbs etc - I couldn't relate, but that all changed when I chose to let our Lord in my heart.  It was a huge decision that a scared 14 year old girl made all on her own.  To this day it is one of my proudest days in my life.  I remember walking up to the front of the church like it was yesterday and proclaiming my life to him - all alone - no parents there to cheer me on - but a huge church full of people smiling and praying for me.  I got baptized that Easter of '92 - another day I will never forget.  Of course through the years I was back and forth with the church.  I never thought I would find myself confused with my religion.  When Eric and I decided to get married we talked about where - but I felt since his parents were paying for the majority of the wedding it would be respectful to get married in the Catholic church - to me it didn't matter where - as long as it was in a church and he and I were getting married!  When it came time to have kids I still was distant from the church we would go the catholic church every now and then.  When we had the kids - it started to bother me more and more we weren't involved with a church - I wanted the kids to grow up in a church unlike I did - I hated I missed so much as child b/c it wasn't available so I wanted to make sure my kids have the church as part of their childhood.  Eric's relationship with our Lord was not the best at the time so I took it upon myself to attend a church by myself with the kids at Second Baptist Church - it was a huge void filled when I started attending and the kids loved Sunday School and I enjoyed the service and small group - I thought I am finally back!  Then we move to Centerville - and I have blogged about this before so no use to getting into it - but I didn't seek out a church home - we just went to the Catholic church. That now I have grown to love.  But, I have never thought about becoming Catholic - not that is some bad thing, it is just I am scared to give up my religion as Baptist.  I take a lot of pride in saying I am Baptist I think because it was such a huge decision I made on my own as a teenager - but at the end of the day I guess the most important thing is I say I am a Christian.  Hebrews 13:8 says "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever"so that tells me whatever religion, Baptist, Catholic, Methodist etc - our Jesus Christ is the same everywhere!  But, why do I find so much struggle to allow the Catholic religion in my heart.  My husband, my kids and some of my family are Catholic - but WHY am I having such a hard time with it. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope".  I need to be still, pray and wait for his sign to tell me what to do - but I am not good at being still - so I need your help with prayers as I struggle with this inner confusion on what shall I do - seek my faith as a Catholic woman or continue to be Baptist and attend the Catholic church with my family (which I am fine with - I love the order of mass - I like the priest and I have grown to understand and respect the traditions the Catholic faith holds).  I guess sometimes I just think I should be more than what I am doing....

Thank you for reading - if you didn't get bored at the top of the page - like I said - I just need prayers right now.... so keep smiling and keep praying - Lord knows I am