This weekend I went to the Women of Faith Conference in San Antonio. I haven't been in several years and I forgot how much I missed the conference. I also got to spend this time with one of the most amazing women I know - my college roommate Stacey - she and I were thick as thieves back in the day and I cherished our time we got to spend together - she is an amazing woman of Faith and I am so blessed she is in my life!
This year the conference was very centered around young Mom's and finding your way through your crazy days. I prayed during my (4.5 hour road trip) that He touch my heart over the weekend and give me the extra push that I need to work on my relationship with him. I say I am a Christian and I try to be a good one. But, so many times I trip and fall and I wonder - will he really love me if he knows the real me? I know stupid question huh (he made me so yes he knows me!). But, what if I am not all he made me to be, what if I am falling short, what if I can't be that good Christian woman that I think I should be... This weekend one of the speakers (Angie Smith) talked about the what if's and we need to learn to let go of those and concentrate on the What is... so what is my what is? That my friends I don't know - but I do know that I am willing to dive into the scripture and find out. I bought a bible study for me and a girlfriend to start - we have been talking about for a while now - but now we are doing it. It is about Chasing Jesus (Jennie Allen) - well I am ready to chase him that is for sure. I know I will never be perfect and I know at times I will fall down - but the glorious thing is he is ALWAYS right there with open arms to embrace me and love me for who I am with all of my imperfections. I prayed hard on my way home - I turned the radio off and I just prayed - it rained on me the most of the way home - during my prayer I went through a town and it stopped raining for a few miles - there was a rainbow - I think He sent that to me to show me He was listening and riding in the car with me. I haven't seen a rainbow in years - how ironic that I saw one then... We say we need signs - well I am here to say I believe that was my sign. I prayed He would continue to push me to find him and to work on our relationship.
Sunday morning at church I had an amazing thing happen to me. Each Sunday I sit on the pew while Eric and the kids get up and take communion (well Eric does - the kids get blessed for now). I usually take that time to pray alone and it is nice, it's like my own special quiet time with God in his house, however something came over me and I just got up and walked up to the alter and Father Lowery blessed me (I think I shocked him - when he saw me he just smiled so big and I knew it was okay, I had a sense of calmness...) I sat down and was shaking almost, tears in my eyes - I couldn't believe I did it - I walked up there and got blessed. Most of you are thinking so what is the big deal - but mind you it is a very small church and everyone notices... I just always worried what others would think if I got up and just got blessed. I thought it was easier for me to just sit in the pew and pray and hope no one noticed I didn't go up there. Apparently Jesus didn't care and he pushed me to get closer to him. Again - something else I learned I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me and just concentrate on what He thinks of me. How thankful I am for that push! I guess I experienced one of those moments I always hear about! I have a long way to go, but I am so ready for this journey - I need this void filled and who better to fill it then our God! He defiantly charged my spiritual battery for me and now it is up to me to keep it plugged in!
Until next time keep smiling and keep praying - I know I will be!
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