Faith

I realized it has been many months since I last blogged.  Well publicly anyway... my therapy is to write all my feelings, stresses, hurts, successes etc in my journal - most of those are not blog worthy - but very soul worthy!  On my way in to the office this morning I got to thinking about why I even began to blog, one was a friend encouraged me to blog, but two I wanted something for my kids to be able to look at and see where I was during their years of growing up.  Maybe when they read this it will spark a memory, help with a struggle or remind them to always have faith.  My prayer has always been for them to be Leaders in Christ and only a Follower of Jesus. 

Faith according to the Webster Dictionary:
 :strong belief or trust in someone or something
 :belief in the existence of God : strong religious feelings or beliefs

 :a system of religious beliefs

One of my favorite stories in the bible is when Jesus asked Peter to get out of the boat and walk to him on water.  

 Matthew 14:29-31  

He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

When I think of Peter I think of someone who is strong, a leader, courageous, loving, loyal - but with all those words that I have used to describe him - he did the opposite to Jesus at times in his journey. However, even when Peter took his eyes off Jesus on the water, Jesus still had Faith in him - He knew how great Peter was going to be.  He even knew Peter would refuse him 3 times before he was crucified, but Jesus still had faith in Peter. That is the wonderful thing about Faith: we have faith, but God also has faith in us - even in a world as crazy as the one we live in we can and should always rely on that.  He has faith in us even when we don't have it in ourselves.  

I want Trayce and Paige to know that if there is a way there is a will - life will be hard, life will be trying, life will be filled with doubters and no sayers, but if they stand in their Faith and have faith in what is right - they will walk through their journey of life with God as their leader and know that even when they look away or get scared like Peter did on the water, God is there for them - they just have to have faith!

2 Corinthians 5:6-7 

 So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.

Well Played God....

I have not been putting what matters first lately.  I was doing so good with my daily alone time with God - but here lately I have let work, the kids school, the house, everything else take presence over my time with God.  I use to have my quiet times with God on the way in to work - I just chat away with God as if he was sitting in the passenger seat.  However these past months it's been few and far between chats.  I got in my car and something came over me - I just sat in my car for a few minutes and closed my eyes and I start to cry... how could I have put everything before Him - I felt so much guilt.  I dried my eyes and said well lets do this God - I apologized and went on with my chats - it was like I never stopped talking to Him - everything just poured out - it felt good!  One thing I have noticed I have been struggling with is looking at what I don't have: house, clothes, money, etc (all material!).  For example last night Eric was telling about his day describing a house he showed and how much I would love it - so my curiosity sat in and I had him show me - WOW talk about a house, I feel in love - immediately I started comparing what that house has that mine doesn't and I start thinking if only I could have that house instead.  Eric tells me we have everything we need here - we don't need a bigger newer house - I laughed it off and agreed - but deep down I was only seeing what I don't have and not what I DO have!  This morning in my chat with God - I talked about this and I asked him to help me focus on what I have, not what I think I need/want... I started thinking of all the things that we do have - what came to mind was nothing material - it was all about what each of us in our family has that he has blessed us with.  So yes that house I looked at may be bigger, have a double oven, extra rooms etc - but it's not what I need - everything I have it what I need.  As I closed my talk with God - I turned the radio back on and one of my favorite songs on the radio right now came on. I never really listened to it - I just liked the beat and the happiness of the song - this morning I listened and as I jammed and sang along - I laughed at the end and glanced up and said "Well Played God Well Played" - "I have everything I need Nothing I don't...." 

Amazing when we really listen - he does talk to us in all different ways we just have to be willing to put in the time with him and listen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N8_CRpL6wk 

(with my technical challenged self I couldn't get the YouTube video of the song to play - but here is the link instead if you want to take a listen!)

Teaching and Living

I remember the twins first year like it was yesterday.  The constant attention, the lack of sleep, the endless diapers and formula bills.  I also remember double the smiles, laughter, hugs, and love.  They keep me and Eric on our toes for sure.  I remember one afternoon like it was yesterday - it was just one of those days in our house.  Eric was out of town and it was just me and the kids.  They were not having a good moment in their day.  Usually they took turns crying - it's like they knew they would get more attention if they cried one at a time - they were good babies like that!  However this moment they were both having a full blown meltdown - nothing I could do worked, changed diapers, rocked, bounced, rubbed bellies, gave bottle, held - NOTHING - they were just not happy at that moment!  All I could do was hold them both; one in each arm and cry with them!  We did this for almost an hour until all three of us were exhausted from crying.  I think we all feel asleep holding onto each other and when we all woke up we were in a different moment - laughter and happiness. 

Their first birthday came and Eric and I looked at each other and said "we made it - we kept them alive a whole year!"  That is truly how we felt - we were just living to keep them alive.  Not teaching them anything really - just feeding their needs.  The next couple of years were stressful, fun, challenging, but who knew having two wasn't that hard - at least that is what I told myself!   I wouldn't change one hard day for anything in the world - bc those babies brought so much life and love into our marriage and our lives I will forever be grateful to them.

I am now looking at them and they are about to be 9 in two months!!!  How in the world did that happen.  It hit me last night as I put them to bed in their gueen size beds, no superhero or princess sheets and no rocking them to sleep, just kissing them, reading a story and tucking them in - they are growing up right before my eyes.  I went from feeding their needs to now trying to teach them things.  Are we really teaching them what they need to know and are we still feeding their needs.  I constantly think are we enough?  Are we teaching them what they need to know to make it through their day?  Am I being the Mom I always said I would be?  Am I a good example for them? The list of questions of doubt, fear and hope could go on and on.  But, when I see them figure something out, be kind, show confidence, and love God I  know we are doing something right.  Trayce amazes me what he is little young mind thinks - he asked me last night when I was tucking him into bed - "Mom do you believe in God" I replied "yes" - he asked me "Why"  I said well for the same reasons I hope you do - which is I believe he died on the cross for me to live and continue to share his love. I asked Trayce "Do you believe?" He replies "Yes he is my Lord and Savior, I was baptized with his love and I know He lives in my heart"  He then continues to tell me that there are people in the world that do not believe and those are the ones the devil is trying to make us believe, but he knows that Jesus would not like that so he will just continue to pray for those people even though he doesn't know them.  I was absolutely blown away - how this little boy has it really all figured out and he doesn't even know it!  Times like this I know God is working our family and guiding us and I couldn't be more proud of my son in that one moment then I ever have.

I I know I make a lot of mistakes and I don't always say the right thing at that right moment, react in the right way and I probably don't apologize to them as much as I should.  But, I do know we learn each day from each other on how to be better human beings - they are teaching me just as much as I am teaching them.


Keep smiling and keep praying - I know I will (even for the ones I don't know - just like my son taught me)


Proverb 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
  
Mark 10: 13-16 "People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them."  

Deuteronomy 6:7 "Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."