This Mom Thing!!!!!

Failing....

In the past several months I heard on several different occasions about Mom's failing, myself included.  I know I am not alone when I talk about how hard it is to be a Mom.  We constantly doubt ourselves: do I buy organic, braces for a 10 year old, overnight camps, cellphones, or even the new Moms - bottle or breast feed, cloth or pampers, glass or plastic bottles - the list can go on and on depending on what season you are in with Motherhood.  However regardless of the season of Motherhood, we are doubting our self and we are saying - I failed...

Me personally I struggle with my time... I work out of town from where we live and where the kids go to school - so Eric (thank God by the way that He gave me him!) does majority of the things with the kids during the week.. He gets them ready, he says goodbye to them each morning, he gets that kiss, hug and wave as they walk into school, he also gets to hear about their day first, he gets to find out if they passed that science test they were dreading.  The school even calls him first when the kids are sick or something has happened - talk about a knife in the gut when he calls to tell me "the school called..."  my first reaction is but why not me - well I just need to get over myself, it does make more sense for the school to call him - he is only 5 minutes away - but you get my drift!  I doubt myself - is this career worth it... am I making the right choice to have a career - am I setting a good example for my kids on what a wife and a mom should be... seeing doubting - this is the season I am in now...

~Side note & off topic...Eric gets those first that I don't get... but I am not upset he does, b/c the twins are seeing what a team is all about - the team of a Mom and Dad and for that I would fail daily if it meant my kids know that it takes all hands on deck to make a family and a marriage work!~

I feel that my time is stretched thin with the kids and I wonder will they look back and know that although my little time that I do have in the evenings with them between being a taxi to and from activities, homework, church, dinner, etc I do cherish those moments.  Not once have the kids ever said Mom you failed today at this Mom thing - instead they hug me, ask about my day and don't doubt that I love them! So why do I beat myself up that I can't be at everything and if I slip up and don't get balloons sent to them on their birthday or have 50 cupcakes ready for them to take to school, forget about what color they were suppose to wear that day to school for something God knows what... but I do and I have those little pitty parties for myself when no one is looking - thinking I am failing! 

Guess what??!!!!!  I failed - I screwed up - I forgot - I was too busy - I was too tired - I was too lazy - I was just being a Mom! 

All of this is okay -  It's how we react when when we have those little hiccups - I have done better on not beating myself up as much as I use to - I still struggle, but the struggle doesn't last too long!  So my advice to young Momma's out there - know it's OKAY - you are going to mess up - but guess what those babies will still love you and hug your neck when you do!!!!  So cherish whatever season you are in with your kids and your family and stop saying I am failing at this Mom thing and just say I am Kicking Ass at this Mom thing!!!!  BC - you are just ask your Kids - they will tell you that you are the BEST MOM!!!!

 As always - keep smiling and keep praying - I know I am!!!!!

What a season!

This year's hunting season was full of first!
(PSA - this is a LONG post!!!)

Youth weekend kicked off on Halloween night - when the twins were asked what they wanted to do - they choose to sit in the deer stand instead of going trick or treating.  At that point I realized how fast they were growing up! 

The kids have grown up either in the deer stand or duck blind - Trayce sat in the deer stand with his Daddy when he was only 3 and we all went on our first duck hunt when they were 4, Trayce even brought his bb gun with him.

 First Duck Hunt - 2010

First Deer Hunt - 2009

After going down memory lane on how much fun the kids have had hunting and fishing - this year has by far been the most fun.  As they have gotten older - Eric can't necessarily sit in the stand with both of them - well he just doesn't want to choose who gets to shoot :). 

Finally after Paige and I sat in the stand for weeks (I mean lots of hours!!!) a spike walks out.  From the moment I told Paige it was a spike I saw a look in her eyes I had never seen before.  It was a look of excitement, anxiousness and pure determination!  She sat in my lap shouldered the gun and as I whispered take a deep breath, take your time and squeeze the trigger - she whispers back "Mom I got this" and BOOM she shoots!  Between her adrenaline and pure amazement she starts to cry!  She swears she missed - but then she swears she hit him!  The next 15-20 minutes felt like the past hours we had sat in the stand - we both couldn't take it any longer we had to go look!  We didn't find it - but I just knew she hit him - once her Daddy got to us we started to track a little more - low and behold it bedded down under a few bushes and there you have it my baby girl got her first deer and I was lucky enough to share that moment with her.   I am still not sure who was more happy - her or Trayce - I was very proud of his excitement for her (at this point he had only killed does...)

She also got her first dove this year - her Uncle Carll and Aunt Tiffany took the kids dove hunting - typical Paige fashion - she goes to sleep in the truck, wakes up and tells her Uncle Carll she would like to shoot - he gets her gun ready and when the dove flies over she takes a shot and BOOM she gets one - looks at him and said OKAY I'm done - that child she is either a great shoot or just lucky - but none the less - another first!

Trayce had one heck of a season - all species!  He had some great dove hunts with his Dad, Uncle, and Poppy.  

However, each year since he has been hunting he wants that buck!  He has killed a couple does, but the buck just hasn't come around - he has watched bucks walk past him so many times that weren't legal and he has watched all his friends get a buck, but his was not there yet.  However, a few weeks before the season was over his time came.  Of course his Daddy can tell the story alot better then I can, but needless to say - it was one for the books.  Someone got trigger happy and missed - but the buck stayed around, and the second time around he got him.   Again not sure who was more excited him or his Daddy!  When they got home - he walks in and tells me no deer Mom just an old hog - but come see how big it is - I reluctantly got up (you've seen one hog you have seen them all in my book!)  But, as I walked up to the truck - I saw his big smile & low and behold he got his first buck!

His work was not over - his Uncle Drew taught him how to clean a deer - he made him get in there and cut through the skin and not damage the meat, but more important they shared a bond with each other that neither will forget.

Of course Trayce is never tired of hunting - he was ready to get back in the stand - at that point he said he just wanted to go - he has learned the importance of sitting still and embracing the outdoors.  He truly has the deepest respect for what he gets to do.  At the end of the deer season he was invited to go with his Dad to a friends deer lease in south Texas - no guarantees or promises were made - but he was going to see deer like he watches on TV - for a 9 year old this was the trip of his life!  However he was given the green light to take a shot a management buck - to a 9 year old this was the monster deer of all monster deers!  His Daddy watched and in full amazement and pride he watched his son take a deer that he had never even shot - but wouldn't have traded it for a million dollars - you can't put a price tag on that memory!

The boys ended the hunting season with a duck hunt - 3 generations of Schwab's - there was more memories made than killing their limits of birds.

As the hunting season was ended with many first - the one thing that wasn't a first was the memories made.  Eric and I hope our kids never forget these moments.  It's a cycle of life we are teaching them - it's not just about the hunt, it's about providing food for our family - everything that is killed is eaten throughout the year - they both take pride when I tell them this is your deer/dove/fish we are eating - even at a young age they are providing for their family - those are life long qualities we are instilling in our kids.